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In honor of Modern Love’s 20th anniversarystarbet777, we asked a dozen essayists to write a letter to the person they were when they published their essays.

We wanted to know: What would you say to that younger version of yourself? How has your life, and the way you think about your experience, changed since your story was featured in Modern Love? What have you learned, realized or perhaps reconsidered in the intervening years?

Letters to My Younger Self‘The Name That Has Always Felt to You Like Home’

By Alex Marzano-Lesnevich

‘Protect Yourself From Peril’

By Theo Pauline Nestor

‘Bro, Sam Married Us. Deadass.’

By Andrew Limbong

‘What We Lost Cannot Be Recovered’

By Amy Seek

‘Love, Before Will, Was Always in English’

By Ross Showalter

‘You Thought You Had Failed’

By Larry Smith

‘I Remain a Hopeless Romantic’

By Elizabeth Chang

‘Quit Hating Yourself for Failing to Repair Your Son’

By Joe Blair

‘Is That How We Survived?’

By Asha Bandele

‘You Still Have a Home in Fernando’s Heart’

By Julissa Arce

‘Badass, Bipartisan Love’

By Renee Folzenlogen

‘I Wasn’t the Right Person to Write This Essay’

By Haili Blassingame

‘The Name That Has Always Felt to You Like Home’

By Alex Marzano-Lesnevich

In 2011, Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, who uses “they/them” pronouns, wrote about adopting a python named Pretzel while wresting with their sexuality. When both Pretzel and the desire to date women become too large to deny, Alex gave the snake away and broke up with their boyfriend. Today, much has changed in Alex’s life (though one thing has remained the same).

Dear Alex,

Biggest update first: You came out as trans.

I know that’s terrifying to hear. It’s your biggest fear. When you realized at 8 years old that you weren’t actually a girl, you also decided that no one would ever know.

20 Years of Modern Love

Seven Ways to Love Better

An illustration of a woman leaning against a tree stump in the shape of a heart and surrounded by wildflowers.

Stories That Changed Lives

An illustration of a woman standing on a mountain peak reaching out to hold hands with a man who is reaching down from the moon above.

Words of Wisdom

An illustration of a girl kneeling in front of a boy, holding a brick. The boy’s torso is a half-built brick wall.

Illustrating Modern Love

A man holding a pencil, sketching a girl kneeling on the ground with a boy kneeling in her reflection.

Letters to My Younger Self

An illustration of a girl looking through a coin-operated binocular at a woman. They are wearing matching polka dot dresses.

Where Did Modern Love Come From?

An illustration of two men. One man is holding an oversized flower pot. The other man is holding an oversized flower that is growing in the pot. They are looking at one another in a friendly way.

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