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Two decades ago, on Oct. 31, 2004, a short note appeared on the front page of this newspaper along with stories about Yasir Arafat’s health and the looming election between George W. Bush and John Kerry. It read: “Modern Love: Introducing a new weekly column about love and relationships. Today, Steve Friedman says he is just fine after getting dumped. Just fine. Really.”

So began my long, strange trip editing Modern Love, talking to strangers every week about the most intimate details of their romantic, familial and platonic entanglements — and then publishing their stories for hundreds of thousands or even millions of readers.

I never dreamed I would still be doing this job 20 years and some 200,000 submissions later, but it has been a wonderful run. Over time, with the help of my colleague, Miya Lee, Modern Love has grown to include a podcast, books, live performances, another weekly column of 100-word Tiny Love Stories, and television shows in the United States, India, Japan and the Netherlands.

Modern Love began the same year as Facebook, three years before iPhones, eight years before Tinder, and 11 years before same-sex marriage became legal nationwide. The world has changed a lot in two decades, and my life changed, too. When this column started, I was 41, married for 12 years, with two children in grade school. Now I am 61, separated for three years, my two children having long left home for jobs and lives of their own.

I published hundreds of stories about separation, divorce, online dating and blended families without ever thinking they might one day apply to me.

I read tens of thousands of essays about the death of a loved one without having experienced that myself — until earlier this year when my father died.

20 Years of Modern Love

Seven Ways to Love Better

An illustration of a woman leaning against a tree stump in the shape of a heart and surrounded by wildflowers.

Stories That Changed Lives

An illustration of a woman standing on a mountain peak reaching out to hold hands with a man who is reaching down from the moon above.

Words of Wisdom

An illustration of a girl kneeling in front of a boy, holding a brick. The boy’s torso is a half-built brick wall.

Illustrating Modern Love

A man holding a pencil, sketching a girl kneeling on the ground with a boy kneeling in her reflection.

Letters to My Younger Self

An illustration of a girl looking through a coin-operated binocular at a woman. They are wearing matching polka dot dresses.

Where Did Modern Love Come From?

An illustration of two men. One man is holding an oversized flower pot. The other man is holding an oversized flower that is growing in the pot. They are looking at one another in a friendly way.

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